A young woman died last week. A woman around my age. She was found murdered in a hotel a few blocks from my house.

Did the news talk about it? Not at first. Too many big things happened in the world that day, things that mattered. Things that needed important space on the news websites. Things like Kim Kardashian's divorce. And the number of Kid Rock concerts scheduled in Michigan this summer. You know, the important things.

Eventually it made the news, only to disappear minutes later after Reese Witherspoon's husband got arrested. Again, the important things.

Somewhere, a family learned that the story of their lives has just changed. A light in their lives has been snuffed out. And we just walk by as if nothing has happened, no notice that someone's story is over.

It makes me sad to know that this happened, that a family's life changed forever, and we didn't even blink. We've got to be better than that.

Nothing to Say

19 April 2013 — Leave a comment

Sometimes I sit down to write and have nothing to say. I have a million ideas, a thousand drafts in a hundred different software tools and notebooks, and yet, there is nothing to say.

And it’s then that I remember the words of the Hebrew Scriptures.

And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19:11-13, ESV)

The Lord speaks in the silence. In the midst of our own noise, when we run out of things to say, listen. We might hear the most powerful things in the silence.

20130405-145217.jpgI came across this album yesterday while meeting friends in Ypsilanti. It is said that a picture is worth 1000 words and I know a ton of thoughts come to mind when I see a picture of this guy.

But the strangest piece is the horribly fake pedestal created here. We have a fictional character selecting its fictional favorite songs for fans of the TV show to enjoy. It’s Fonz’s favorites!

It got me thinking a bit further about how we often fake what we enjoy to please people or to win their affections. Sure, we all know Fonz is fake, but how fake do we choose to be to those around us?

Perhaps we owe ourselves some honesty. I wonder what Henry Winkler would think.

We’re in the midst of crunch time at work so updates have been light. Here are two things to check out in the meantime.

1. I wrote a piece for Prodigal Magazine recently that you may have missed. It covers a powerful visit to a parish that Giles and I experienced this past summer. If you haven’t already, take a quick read.

2. Google Reader is shutting down on 1 July. Weirdest announcement I have seen in a while. That said, I am in the market for a new RSS reader/blog subscribing engine. So far bloglovin seems to do the trick. Any other recommendations? (If you want you can Follow my blog with Bloglovin).

Name It and Claim It

18 February 2013 — 2 Comments

I watched recently as several people I respect, my friends Emily, Rachel and Sarah, were criticized for some things they wrote. They wrote about how certain parts of our church culture have done a good job of forcing a negative identity on many people within the church community, an identity based around past actions and missteps.

Our society is all about identity, isn’t it? How do we define others?

Black. White. Hispanic.

Republican. Democrat.

Catholic. Protestant. Muslim. Jew. Atheist.

Rich. Poor.

These are the identities we fight over, we kill over. We have built up walls to keep us away from the people that are different than us.

My friends Emily, Rachel, and Sarah were onto something, something that got missed by nitpickers looking for them to make a mistake.

Our identity is not in those things I listed above, or all of the other ways we try to prove we are better than somebody else.

Emily said simply: “I am a human. I am Emily.”

She’s right. First and foremost, we are somebody. Don’t let somebody else dictate your identity. There are plenty of things that are true about each one of us. There are plenty that aren’t.

As kids we are told that one day we will grow up and “make a name for ourselves.” Let me remind you, you have a name. You have an identity. Claim it. Grow it. Let it flourish.

Some of us, people like me, find our identity rooted in our faith. For me, that’s a must. But that doesn’t replace what I believe to be my created humanity. I am created for something, and I’m striving after it.

I’m still human. And I’m still Dean.

And I’m going to embrace your humanity too.

Photo used under Creative Commons license and originally from D Sharon Pruitt.

Today I am excited to share my inaugural piece for Prodigal Magazine. Darrell and Ally have graciously given me the opportunity to write for Prodigal and share my story with their community. I have enjoyed being part of the community as a reader for several months and am honored that they have extended the invitation to be a story teller alongside them. My debut piece on music and my own sanity is available today. Go check it out and let me know what you think.

Continue Reading...

My word for 2013 is Focus. Throughout the year I will be sharing ways I am learning to Focus my life and invest in the things that mean the most to me.

Toward the end of last year I began to take stock of my commitments. I realized that I had far too many irons in the fire and had spread myself too thin. My earnest desire to get involved in good projects had turned my schedule upside down and my health, my sleep, and my obligations were all suffering as a result. I realized I could not keep plugging away at the status quo.

My first reaction was to buckle down and try to work hard at all of those things. That was about as successful as trying to perform surgery on yourself. It took a fortnight to realize that this was only exacerbating the problem. Rather than alleviating the stress of too many commitments, I was increasing the stress and energy required for each one to succeed.

I had fallen into commitment quicksand. I kept struggling and working to try to get out of the mess I had created, digging more frantically and stressing out but ultimately making the problem worse.

I don’t like to quit. The competitive spirit in me insisted that quitting means being defeated, and surely I could not admit defeat! But with two offices full of work and a constant feeling of exhaustion, I had to pull the plug on a few things. It was painful. I probably let some people down. But at the rate I was going, my overloaded schedule was going to produce less-than-stellar work for all involved. So I took that step back, quit a few things and am starting to find some sanity again.

What about you? Are you having to take stock and cut things out?

(Photo copyright Andrew Tatlow and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence.)

Continue Reading...

One Word for 2013

3 January 2013 — Leave a comment
Last year I made a whole series of resolutions packed into five categories: God, self, Giles, friends-and-family and ministries. It was an interesting experiment and it took a lot of thought upfront, but it still produced the same results as any list of resolutions.
 
The majority of them were forgotten or skipped over through the course of the year. In the end, my resolutions were left unresolved.
 
This year I am trying something different and I am latching onto a trend, a movement going around the web. OneWord365 is a different way of approaching the calendar year, a way of theming our goals, directions and purposes for 365 (or 366 I suppose) days. So I have picked a word for 2013.
 
FOCUS
 
Why?
 
As always, I have lots of goals and targets that I am aiming fr this year. Not just tasks, but steps forward in life. These require focus. As last year taught me, the most articulate resolutions will be ignored if I lack focus.
 
It is extremely easy for me to be distracted by unimportant things. My time has a tendency to disappear into a vacuum of random internet memes and junk sorting in my home office. “Things to do” is so often a code word for “avoiding the important tasks” and 2012 was a banner year for “things to do” for me.
 
So it’s time to focus and get rid of some of the distractions. This fall we dumped one financial and time distraction by cancelling our television service. We went cold turkey and are not watching new shows online, and are only using our Amazon Prime subscription for an occasional movie or TV series (West Wing episodes over break).
 
Like many distractions, I thought television was “too important” to cancel. I had a litany of arguments for keeping it and yet, when we finally made the decision, we found that we didn’t regret it one bit. 
 
Having to make the difficult “no” decisions is difficult, but it is also liberating. So for 2013 I am going to focus on the big things and work harder to ignore the distractions. And if it goes like canceling television did, I will find myself with a bit more time than I expected anyhow.
 
Thanks to Melanie for the free One Word button!
Continue Reading...

What Happened in 2012

31 December 2012 — Leave a comment
A year ago I relaunched this site, trying to hone in on the topics that best represent who I am and what I am most concerned about at this stage in my life. I set expectations about how I would be communicating and why. Well, let’s pretend like you got a regular e-newsletter (if you subscribed, you got a few but nowhere near 2-3 per month) and like I wrote articles each week with important ideas to discuss.
 
So I did not meet my own expectations for 2012, but a lot of things did happen that are worth recapping.
 
  • Bear! We adopted a rescue dog in January and he has become an integral part of our home and lives. See the previous post for our family Christmas photo.
  • I did complete the number of books I wanted to read this year, although I was way off the mark for what I wanted to read. The best books I read this year included Eugene Peterson’s Pastor (his memoir) and Tyler Blanski’s Mud and Poetry.
  • I was ordained as a deacon in the Anglican church in July, fulfilling a ministry calling that I have been pursuing for the past five years. I am serving as a deacon at a parish in Livonia that I have assisted at in some capacity for several years.
  • We spent a little over two weeks in England and Scotland, visiting cathedrals and the home parishes of some of our ancestors. There are so many highlights from the trip that it has been hard to write about or even explain in great detail. I’d love to tell you about Norwich, the 450 year old chalice, and English breakfasts, but it will have to be in person over a coffee.
  • Giles began her graduate studies at Western Michigan in August and is pursuing many opportunities in singing with Opera Grand Rapids, the Kalamazoo Bach Chorus, and Western groups. I, meanwhile, am adjusting to living by myself a majority of the week. Right now, I am okay with Living Apart
Continue Reading...

My Favorite Day

27 December 2012 — Leave a comment
It’s my favorite day. Six years ago was our wedding day in Atlanta in a beautiful church that was decorated for Christmas. The liturgy at the Methodist church was mostly taken from the Book of Common Prayer, a nice foreshadowing of the role the Anglican liturgy has held in our life together. The party too was incredible. It featured a live band that played The Beatles’ “In My Life” for our first dance, and the photographer took what I think is the most beautiful picture of my parents ever taken.
 
We share our anniversary with Giles’ parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncle. This legacy makes our own anniversary all the more significant to me. If her parents or grandparents had not met, if God had not lined things up just perfectly with them, she would not be here, walking beside me through this journey. Especially as her grandparents celebrate their 57th anniversary today (parents 32nd, aunt and uncle’s 27th) I offer a toast from my morning coffee to them. Your sacrifices and Godly examples have blessed me in ways I cannot express.
 
When Giles and I first started dating I asked her what her absolute deal breakers were, the things that would end a relationship for her. I know for certainty that she said she would not be a pastor’s wife (I think I can skate through on the technicality of priest being different because of the sacraments, but don’t remind her that she said this). Then again, I hated opera growing up and surely would have objected to marrying an opera singer.
 
So six years in, and Giles married an aspiring priest, and I married an aspiring opera singer. We live in Detroit, I have to shovel about six inches of snow when I finish writing this, and Giles loves our dog more than I think even she thought could be possible. I know this isn’t what either of us expected when we went on our first date in 2002, or when we pledged our lives together in 2006. Then again, whoever sets out on an adventure with every step, every stop, every picture planned out in advance? It’s not much of an adventure if you know exactly how it will transpire.
 
To my wife, the woman who inspires me, who makes me laugh, who challenges me to do better and achieve my dreams:
 

The Master Speed
by Robert Frost

No speed of wind or water rushing by
But you have speed far greater. You can climb
Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,
And back through history up the stream of time.
And you were given this swiftness, not for haste,
Nor chiefly that you may go where you will,
But in the rush of everything to waste,
That you may have the power of standing still –
Off any still or moving thing you say.
Two such as you with such a master speed
Cannot be parted nor be swept away
From one another once you are agreed
That life is only life forevermore
Together wing to wing and oar to oar. 

Continue Reading...