The Problem with Wives

(Disclaimer: If you don't realize it, this is going to be an ironic, funny post)

Wives are great. They tend to know a lot about their husbands, which can really come in handy. For example, she knows I'm not a big fan of foods that contain a plethora of onions, so we tend to be an onion-light household. This is a positive.

Unfortunately, wives tend to know a lot about their husbands. For example, I am not a huge fan of birthday parties, and I do not do well with surprises. I am such an anti-fan of surprises that I tend to purchases gifts and give them in advance because I am too excited about it. Which doesn't bode well for our tale.

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If my recollection is correct, I have had three legitimate "birthday parties" prior to this year. For my sixteenth birthday, my parents and friends coordinated to throw me a surprise party at a nearby friends house, consisting of several dozen friends. Considering that, up until this point every "Dean's birthday" consisted of dinner at Chilback Gardbees with my family, I was shocked (and slightly embarrassed) but was able to deal with the distress.

My eighteenth birthday, mere weeks after college had started, involved my new girlfriend (you may have heard of her, her name is Giles) throwing me a surprise party in my dorm room. I vaguely recall hiding in the hallway in embarrassment and not wanting to go to my own party. In hindsight, I may have overreacted.

Then came my twenty-first birthday, which was pretty run-of-the-mill for that birthday. Something like a party with a keg at a friend's house in college, it was essentially a college party with people saying "congrats" to me a lot. No surprises, no cake, pretty straight-forward.

Considering that those three events encompass all of the celebratory birthdays after the age of 13, I assumed that I was out of the woods. No one celebrates 25, 30, or older beyond the usual birthday celebrations, right? Unless the birthday boy/girl is particularly excited about possibly cheaper car insurance and lower car rental fees, then I suppose a twenty-fifth birthday party would be in order. But I am neither of those, which means I am disqualified from having a birthday party in traditional fashion.

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Sometimes wives enjoy taking advantage of their husbands weaknesses, especially when they can highlight one of the "things he does not like" and laugh about it.*

I was innocently on the phone talking to my father when we returned home Tuesday evening.** As I entered my office to sit comfortably on my couch, the longevity of my life was shortened as friends of the creepy (Dave) and not so creepy (everyone else) variety jumped up and yelled at me. More friends arrived later (I let them in so they opted against yelling surprise) and we ate cake and drank beer for several hours.

Evening Recap in Pros and Cons

Cons

- Giles is now responsible for nearly 67% of all surprise birthday parties in my life.*** 

Pros

- My friends waited a really long time because I continuously changed my itinerary for the evening.

- Stephen McGee and the JVCs gave me two of the coolest gifts ever, for two completely different reasons.

- There were no clowns.

- edit: Sharon was there even though she had to spend over half an hour in a dark office with the aforementioned creepy Dave.

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*Thankfully we both hate clowns. Otherwise that evening could have taken a horrible, unforgivable turn.

**Sorry Dad, I have no idea what we were talking about, I was startled out of them.

***She has promised not to do it again. Just like last time.