Support Your Public Library: Rack up the Fines!

I love my local library and try to support it every way I am able. Which is why I kept two books for three months past the due date. 

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The Bowen Branch of the Detroit Public Library is approximately one mile from my house. I ride past it twice each day, although my morning ride is always prior to it being open (and it is closed on Fridays, I have discovered). Despite these hurdles, it is still open for four of my ride-bys (although a 40 percent average is not stellar, except in baseball).

I had a brief conversation* with the librarian today, during which it became quite clear** that she did not understand my generousity.

Me: "I'd like to return these books and find out the fines that I owe. I will pay them on my next trip, since I assume you only take cash and I do not typically carry that form of monetary payment when I ride my bike in downtown Detroit."

Librarian: "Well, it looks like these books are lost."

Me: "I can see why they would be flagged as such, but they are clearly not lost, as they are on the desk right here."

Librarian: "Right. So, well, you owe some money."

Me: "I understand. After all, I did hold them hostage for three months after the due date, preventing the masses from reading David Sedaris and T.S. Eliot."

Librarian: "Well you need to pay half of it to be able to check out books again. The balance needs to be less than $10 on your account."

Me: "So my fines are $20? That's great, since I know you guys need the money. I'll pay you on a future bike ride."

Librarian: "Correct, but you'll need to pay like $10.25 or something. So that you get to $9.75."

Me: "Or I can pay $20.00 so that my balance is zero, correct?"

Librarian: "Well most people pay $10.25 so they have a balance of $9.75"

Me: "But I want a zero balance, is that acceptable?"

Librarian: "Oh. Yeah, that is fine."

Me: "I'll bring you a cold $20.00 bill next time I am riding by, is that okay?"

Librarian: "Did you know that you can renew online?"

Me: "I probably should have looked into that before now, right?"

Librarian: "Oh. Yes."

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* Some slight literary leniency was taken in the retelling of this story.

** "Are we clear?" "Yes sir." "Are we clear?" "Crystal." Name that movie, it is one of my favorites.